


Hopeless

by DangerRollins



Series: Carl finds himself [30]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:03:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerRollins/pseuds/DangerRollins
Summary: Carl helps Russel out.





	Hopeless

Carl paced back and forth in front of the door as he tried to build up the courage to knock. He knew he needed to tell Russel what was going on as soon as possible because by now he was probably worried about his mom since it was late and she wasn't home yet, and he knew he was only wasting valuable time. Every second he was out here freaking out about talking to his ex was another second she was trapped in jail, scared and alone and absolutely miserable. But he just couldn't do it. He didn't know how to face the boy who'd caused him so much pain.

They had bigger problems to deal with right now than their relationship issues, but he knew that the second he saw the boy's face he'd break down. It'd turn into a whole big thing and they'd probably end up having a long talk and--Raven would be stuck in jail for even longer. Carl didn't feel like going through any of that.

He wished he could just turn around and go home. He wished he could pretend he'd seen nothing and move on with his life, continuing to make money and pretending everything was okay while he did it. He wished he was heartless, that he didn't have to care about other people's problems, especially if those people had torn him to pieces. But he wasn't.

Carl rubbed his temple before running a hand over his face in frustration. He thought for a moment before letting out a small sigh and sitting down on the porch steps of the boy's house. He quickly opened his backpack and found a piece of paper and a pen and began writing.

'Your mom is in jail. She killed your dad. I saw the police taking her away. She's probably been there for about an hour now. I don't know what happened, how it happened, or why it happened, but she didn't do it just to do it. She had to. Go get her out. You don't owe me anything for this. You're family.'

When Carl finished writing he put the note down close to the door and took out a few stacks of cash. He figured it'd be plenty enough to get her out, and if it wasn't, Russel knew where to find him.

He felt guilty as he stood up to walk away. He knew he was already doing more than he should've been doing, but he still felt like this was wrong. If his mom had killed his dad and was in prison for it, he'd want someone to tell him that to his face, not through some dumb, scribbled, half thought out note. This was heartbreaking news, the kind of news that nobody should have to receive, and it certainly wasn't the type of news you'd wanna receive from a note.

He felt like he should be there for Russel. He should tell him to his face and then comfort him. Nobody how they felt about one another right now, no matter how bad things had ended, he needed to put all that shit aside and be there for the guy he'd loved for the last few years of his life. Russel would do it for him, no doubt. 

Carl always liked to think of himself as a man. He liked to think that he was well respected because he handled his shit and he did whatever he had to do whenever he had to do it. Truth was, he wasn't a man. People didn't respect him they were scared of him, and whoever wasn't scared of him was scared of his boss, and whoever wasn't scared of him was scared of his family. That's why nobody fucked with him. They wanted to avoid getting their asses handed to them by the people he surrounded himself with. They didn't respect him for a damn thing. 

A real man would've stuck around and dealt with the problem at hand. A real man would've been there, no matter how shitty the situation was, no matter how painful it would've been to see Russel again. It was selfish to leave, and he knew it. A real man would've stayed.

He didn't.

Carl wiped angrily at a tear that had escaped his eyes as he stormed off after knocking harshly on the door. He hoped Russel would have no idea who'd left him that note, but he knew he'd know. Who else could it possibly be?

Everything was so fucked up now. He didn't know how he could continue on like this. He'd lost everything. Russel left him, half his family didn't speak to him much anymore, he was selling drugs instead of making an honest living, and he couldn't see himself ever becoming anything more than a jailbird. He wanted to be more than that, he really did, but how? He'd dropped out of school and had no plans of attending college, he was surrounded by negative influences--There was just no getting out.

He felt hopeless. He had no control over anything anymore. It was so tiring, always having to deal with one shit storm after another, and now he didn't have the one thing that always got him through the bad days.

Shaking his head to rid himself of his pessimistic thoughts, he broke out into a jog to get away faster. He didn't want Russel to catch up to him. He hoped everything would be okay for their family, that Raven would be out of jail almost as soon as she'd gone in, that they could finally move past this. He didn't know if it was possible, but he really hoped it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this was super short, I just wanted to give a little update! Next part will definitely be a lot longer, and I hate to speak too soon, but I think the next part might be the last. There's still a lot I had planned on doing for this series and I really hate to quit writing for it because I've enjoyed it a lot and Russel is a great character which I hate to say goodbye to, but I'm not as invested as I was when I first started writing this and I feel like it's just dragging on and on endlessly for no reason. I'm not updating often so it's hard for me to even stick with the plot because I have trouble remembering what's going on myself! I've definitely lost a lot of readers as well and I can see why! It's just not as good as it was when I first started writing it.
> 
> I'm sad to say goodbye, but I think I should end it while it's still decent. I love this series very much and thank you guys for reading and supporting it so much! All your comments make me smile and your votes mean the world to me! Obviously, I'm not done writing for good, so this is a bit dramatic I think. LOL
> 
> Once again thank you so much for reading this book and I promise that I'll make the next chapter as long and as good as possible!


End file.
